March 11-15 Conflict, Crisis, Communication

My family is the definition of conflict, crisis, chaos and communication. There’s always something going on! But I wouldn’t change them for the world. Crisis is a trauma, when someone is unsatisfied with their current situation, something that puts the family at risk, or instability. There are a lot of different crisis families can have. As a family you need to learn how to get through those problems together. A good way to get through those problems is through communication. The communication model that Brother Williams did is: your thoughts and feelings, you encode them in how you tell the other person, the media, the other person decodes what you said and finally their thoughts and feelings about what you said. You are always communicating something whether it is verbal or non-verbal. When you are in a conflict with someone and argue people will try to find a compromise. But this is ineffective because when people compromise both people end up feeling like they got the short end of the stick. 

Love, true love.

 

So in the past 5 months we have had 3 marriages in my family. First my cousin Kaylyn got married on October 22nd, then my sister Leah got married on November 17th, and then my brother Blaze got married on February 22nd. So it has been a pretty crazy 5 months in my family. And everyone has said to me "Oh you're next in line Aubrey" and I am like nooooo I'm not! 

Dating love and marriage are all so fun to talk about, but really scary to think about me actually getting married. I am not ready at all. Don’t get me wrong, I cannot wait to be married but I don’t want to be ready for a while. First off what we learned in class is that there are four types of love: Eros, agape, storge, and philia. Eros is love that is driven by emotions, it is passionate and sexual. Agape is a love that is more independent of ones feelings for another. Storge is the love between a parent and their child. And philia is the kind of love between friends. You will experience each one of these types of love your entire life. With the person you are going to marry, you should have all four types of love. They should be your best friend and you should be independent but complete each other. You should love them like a parent loves their child in the way that you would do anything for them, put them before yourself, and want to take care of them. And obviously you should have that passion for each other. I loved talking about this in class.

February 11-15 Dating

Ooo la la this was a fun week. And perfect timing for Valentine’s Day. Something that really surprised me was that 1/3 of people usually marry someone within a few blocks of where they live or grew up. But at the same time it makes sense because a lot of people usually go to a college close to home and never leave. I knew that is why I had to leave Georgia and come to BYU-Idaho. If I would have stayed then I am afraid I would have never left and experienced new things. I also came here because I wanted to actually go on dates with guys. Especially guys with the same standards as me. Back home, dating is like a lost cause. You just “hang out” with people instead of going on dates. For it to be considered a date, it must consist of the three P’s: Planned, paid for, and paired off. But anyways, also you know the saying “opposites attract” is actually not completely true. People actually tend to go for other people with similar interests. Sure everyone will have their differences but for something to work out you need to have the same opinions are most things and be able to agree and compromise. The purpose of dating is to yes, find your eternal companion. But they will probably not be the first person that you ever date. You are supposed to date lots of people, find out what you like and don’t like, break hearts and even get your heart broken. You will have good and bad experiences with dating but do not be discouraged after a couple dates without finding “the one” he/she will come in time and sweep you off your feet. Well I hope that’s how it will happen for me.

Peace, Love, and Blessings

February 4th-8th Gender Roles

This week we talked about gender roles in the family, the differences between male and female and same sex attraction. Something that we talked a lot about too is how we are this gender for a reason. It did not happen by chance. There are specific roles given to men and women before we came to this Earth. Men and women were created equal but that does not mean identical. The roles that men and women play are different but both equally needed. I believe that men are supposed to be the protectors and providers and priesthood holders. Us women are the moms, the caretakers. But that doesn’t mean that women cannot work. I know I am going to work when I get married. I do not want to just sit at home while my husband goes to work. But when I have kids I will be a fulltime mom until my kids are old enough and then I will be more than happy to go back to work.  My mom has worked ever since my dad and her got a divorce 11 years ago. And when my dad got laid off from his job, my stepmom went back to work to help out even though she had two young kids at home. So that is why I think it is important for the woman to be able to work if she needs to.

Something that I really like about this topic was the role of siblings, especially an older sister. The study said that having a sister protects them from feeling lonely, unloved, guilty, self-conscience, and fearful. This hits home with me because I had an older sister and I myself am an older sister to 4 of my siblings. Growing up I went to my older sister Leah for everything. And now my little sister Josie comes to me for everything. I love my siblings so much. Growing up we fought, a lot! But this study also says that bickering and occasional fights between siblings is actually a good thing because it teaches us to make up and regain control of our emotions. I am so grateful for my siblings and the role that my mom and dad and stepmom have played in my life. I LOVE MY FAMILY J

January 28th-February 1st Cultures

This week we talked about cultures and how different cultures do things differently in the family. Some things that maybe not be accepted in our culture are accepted in others for example arranged marriages. But I think it is important to learn about other cultures and to be really careful not to stereotype people. It is really interesting to see how people from different cultures interact with their families. I used to have a really good friend named Daniella. Her and her family are from Ecuador. I loved being around them because they were all so loud and fun and really close to each other. It was hilarious to watch them fight because they would yell at each other in Spanish like crazy and then a couple of minutes later they would act like nothing happened and be best friends again. No matter what culture we are from we are all individuals.

January 21th-25th -Theories

Sooo I kind of forgot about having to blog so I am going to get caught up!

This week we talked about theories. In the most simple terms, a theory is an explanation. All family situations are so different so instead of stating facts we use theories. There were four main theories that we talked about in class. Systems theory, exchange theory, symbolic interaction theory, and conflict theory.

The systems theory: A variety of theories fall under the general heading of a systems theory, but all share certain assumptions. Systems theory asserts that the intimate group must be analyzed as a whole; the family has boundaries that distinguish it from other families. Basically everyone in the family has a role that is for the benefit of the whole family, not individually.

The exchange theory: The concept of this theory is “you owe me one”. It is the attempt to keep your costs, which could be different things like time, money ext. lower than your rewards. If a relationship consistently costs us more than it rewards us, we are likely to avoid the person or break the relationship.

The symbolic interaction theory: This theory says that people are defined by their interaction experiences. An important concept in symbolic interaction is definition of the situation. If we define a situation as real, it has real consequences.

The conflict theory: This theory asserts that all societies are characterized by inequality, conflict, and change as groups within the society struggle over scarce resources.

Patterns in intimate relationships change over time. But these theories help guide the constant research of families and their relationships.